Your Difficult Friends and Family Could Be Aging You Faster

• A recent study found that, over time, stressful relationships may accelerate biological aging.
• The researchers refer to those who create problems or make life more difficult as “hasslers.”
• The study also found that a greater number of “hasslers” in your life can lead to a higher risk of depression, anxiety, and poorer overall health.

Spending time with someone who consistently creates problems or makes life more difficult can accelerate biological aging and affect your overall health.

A recent study found that spending more time with people the researchers call “hasslers” and having more of them in your life can negatively affect various aspects of your life and health.

The researchers also noted that “social relationships are fundamental to human health.”

However, past research has mostly focused on the supportive nature of these relationships. This recent study focused on the “hasslers” in the close social networks of individuals and the role these stressful people play.

“Those around us can either increase or decrease our stress levels because we are wired for social connection and our social relationships can significantly influence and shape our mood, perspectives, motivation, and energy, on a daily basis, and for future goals/visions,” said Menije Boduryan-Turner, PsyD, licensed psychologist, and founder of Embracing You Therapy. Boduryan-Turner was not involved in the study.

The study analyzed data from 2,345 participants in a health survey in Indiana. The participants ranged in age from 18 to 103, with an average age of about 46.

The individuals answered questions about their relationships, focusing on the previous 6 months.

The researchers defined “hasslers” as people whom the participants reported as “often hassling them, causing them problems, or making life difficult.”

The average network size among participants was just over 5, with a maximum size of 25. On average, the individuals reported around 8.1% of the network members as “hasslers.”

Of the participants, 28.8% reported having at least one “hassler” in their social network, and 10% reported having two or more. This suggests that persistently negative ties are not rare among personal relationships.

“We resonate with people, and when someone creates problems, ideally, we would leave such a situation,” said Alex Dimitriu, MD, double board certified in psychiatry and sleep medicine and founder of Menlo Park Psychiatry & Sleep Medicine, who was not involved in the study.

“Dealing with a hassler definitely takes a toll on mental health, and I see that in my work every day,” Dimitriu told Healthline.

The researchers then examined the association between having “hasslers” in your life and biological aging.

They compared biological aging using saliva samples from participants, enabling the researchers to measure specific epigenetic markers.

This analysis showed a clear pattern. For each “hassler” a person interacted with, their biological aging pace increased by about 1.5%. This means that someone with an extra difficult person in their life may age about 1.015 biological years for each chronological year.

It’s important to note that this study does not definitively show that having difficult people in your life directly causes aging.

The researchers observed an association between “hasslers” and the rate of aging. They also noted that certain groups of people may be more likely to have or report “hasslers” in their lives.

Females were less likely than males to report having zero “hasslers” in their social networks. They also reported higher levels of “hasslers” in their lives in general than males.

There were also various psychosocial factors that emerged as important predictors of the presence of “hasslers.”

For example, individuals with adverse childhood experiences were more likely to have “hasslers” in their social network.

People with a larger social network were less likely to report zero “hasslers” and were more likely to have a higher number.

Daily smokers and people with less favorable health were also less likely to report zero “hasslers.” This suggests that “hassler” exposure is not random. Rather, it clusters around certain individuals with greater psychosocial and health vulnerabilities.

“Hasslers” were also more likely to be family members, with parents and children more likely to be reported as difficult than spouses.

Outside of the family, participants were more likely to report co-workers, neighbors, and roommates as “hasslers” than friends.

The researchers also examined whether the association with “hasslers” was specific to biological aging or extended across health outcomes.

They found that the number of hasslers in a person’s social group was consistently associated with worse health across multiple domains. The strongest associations were among mental health outcomes.

Each additional “hassler” was associated with an increase in the severity of both depression and anxiety. This was followed closely by less favorable self-rated mental health outcomes.

“When stress becomes too hard to manage, it creates insomnia, poor concentration, depression, anxiety, and/or irritability,[an] increase and/or a decrease in appetite, isolation, and paralysis,” said Boduryan-Turner.

The associations found with physical health and adiposity-related (excess fat) outcomes were more modest, but still significant.

Additional “hasslers” were associated with:

“Stress can increase our blood pressure and affect our gastrointestinal and immune systems, among many other organ systems in the body,” Nissa Keyashian, MD, board certified psychiatrist and author of “Practicing Stillness,” who was not involved in the study, told Healthline.

Many may say that the obvious solution is to reduce contact with “hasslers” in your life. However, this may not always be possible. Certain people, such as family members or co-workers, may be part of your daily life.

Dimitriu recommended that you control what you can, which is most often yourself. A strong emphasis on self-care, time to journal, and grounding yourself through meditation, exercise, or both is essential.

Boduryan-Turner said that it is fundamental to set clear, value-based boundaries.

“The keyword here is value-based, because often we make fear-based decisions. When setting boundaries, we want to keep our values in mind and communicate our needs from that place,” she added.

Keyashian agreed. “Practicing setting healthy boundaries is one of the most important skills in our lives,” she said.

Boduryan-Turner noted that people should set limits with love.

“We can set our boundaries lovingly and compassionately,” she said. “It doesn’t have to feel like a fight or a conflict to set them. Often taking breaks and engaging in activities that soothe are necessary ways to cope with these kinds of people in our lives.”